Author: Vijaya Yalamanchili

SV and Attayya went to Nashville to say hi to Lord Ganesha Sunday morning, I woke up late and did Laundry Breakfast and then made Ani & Rishi wake up. Morning routine done and asked them to finish home work’s as they played both full day’s Friday and Saturday without even touching books.

Ani took his chrome book and started writing essay for Language arts, Rishi is working on front computer to improve his typing skills. I went back to clean kitchen and into my work. When I glanced at what kids are doing Ani went back to playing a video game on his chromebook, when he realized I was watching him, he flipped that screen and started doing essay again, I asked him why he was doing that. He mentioned that he felt guilty and switched back screens, I gave him a lesson about cheating me and himself. I told him that I don’t like it, he needs to focus on what he is doing and not to get diverted to what I call as “Addiction”. He said he will never do that again and said “I promise”.

After that big lecture, I stepped away from him and let them do what ever they want. They both seemed to finish their work and Ani switched back to playing video games again. When I was walking that way he switched the screens again, I cannot control my anger at that time. That is it, I scolded him. I shouted like crazy, I cant take that sense of cheating even after taking to him about it. I gave him a serious lecture and told him, since he is not doing what he is supposed to do, I am serious about sending him to Boarding school. He cried a lot. I never scolded Ani until this point, I felt really bad. My heart still weeps ..but what is the better way to tell him? how will he understand his priorities? I am always about getting good grades, but never forced them to be on top …as long as they understand the concept, they need to be able to apply what they are learning in theory to their practical life, marks doesn’t matter to me. Having that addiction to video games, is making their minds numb and not work. I need to spend more time with them in engaging in outdoor activities, I hate to see them addicted to these things, but telling that in harsh way in anger is not the right approach. I need to work on my anger management, what do I do? I am usually not that anger person, I let them play when I needed sometime to do other stuff, I need to engage them more, I need to out source some of non important work.

I love you Ani, I am not angry on you, I am trying to explain you to get you out of that “Addiction”, I am sorry if that hurted you. I love you, you are a pure soul..what more can I say. I want you and Rishi to be responsible young man, I am sure you will succeed in your career, no doubt about it, I am trying to build that sense of responsibility and sensibility to what is happening around you. Again, I am sorry Ani babu and I love you.

I am always that kind of person that likes to try everything, even though I don’t have much insights of it, I love to learn. Amma & Dad always laugh at me with all the stunts I did when I was a kid. Started learning Dance, Veena, Shorthand, into NCC, played Basketball for school, Participated in shuttle tournaments…not just one. I appreciate my parents encouraging me for all I wanted to do, which is not typical in south Indian Hindu community. That went into my life style and I can’t keep myself leisure. Also, my approach on any art is- lots of people already did this, you are not first person. When so many did it already why cant you do it.  Some of my friends call me a TOUGH NUT 🙂 I take that as a compliment. After a while you get along with the routine life style with day – day activities, that definitely keeps you busy, does that mean you are enjoying what you are doing?

I have so many plans that goes in my brain, wanted to see myself travelling places, interacting with friends out side of my comfort zone. Wanted to learn new things, interested to do a triathlon.. so many things I like to do. Where do I have time, full time job is not just 9 hours…its completely exhausting and taking most of my brain power. Tired at the end of day. Managing kids calendars is getting harder as well. I need to either compromise on my sleep or something else which I don’t know where I have time. I seriously want to do masters degree and some certification courses. I need that push from my inner self to do that. One day I will start and set myself into reading mode…why not that one day is today.

I just got one life and wanted to experience as much as I can, don’t want to tie myself with experiences that I already had. I needed to be committed for my challenges and that will keep me pushing harder and further to achieve what I like to end up with. DONT STOP, PUSH HARDER & KEEP GOING!

 

I was thinking last week one day, me and SV manages stuff perfect at home…it may sound silly, but I load dishwasher in the morning and he empties it in evening after coming home. He put rice before taking off for kids activities and I make curries. I do load laundry and he helps with folding them. There is a part and share of every individual job we do at home, except that I don’t get involved in kids studies and finances. SV takes responsibilities of all that alone, taking lot of stress off of my plate. And still I complain too much too handle 🙂

I now realized the value of having a strong support. SV had an eye surgery last week(stupid eye issues he is having) without realizing how big it is. He is in pain and cannot even open his eyes for few days. I don’t know how to even express my feelings those days, I am completely swamped with taking care of him, kids activities, cooking, feeding them, plus medical needs for SV. I had lots of tears hidden, cant manage time. Getting behind on simple things, stress levels are going up.. I need a shoulder to cry at that moment. But then realized it is all temporary, it wont last long. The situation came to measure your strength of dealing things and when you realize you are stronger than what you think and braver than what you believe, all the simple things will come in place. Plus the support I have from family and friends gives me the power, knowing I am not alone.

I wish these days pass by soon and the suffering SV & we as family going through be gone. I need my sweat heart to be back and full in action, I cannot handle the mental stress to check mail, pay bills, work related stuff, plus kids, plus communicating to parents, plus blah blah blah… I love to be dependent on this guy. I don’t have maturity to deal all of these on my own…….

 

 

“I am proud of so many things in my life, but nothing beats being a mother” is a quote I read somewhere, I couldn’t agree more with it. So proud of my boys (Ani & Rishi).

They both are very hardworking, smart and responsible kids. On top of all they make sure that Amma is happy always. Such a sweet and cute kids I have. Both have complete contrast personalities. One is like Gautama Buddha and other is a chatter box with loads of naughtiness.

Since Ani was child, he is very calm, he know what he needs and convey’s slowly.  He is slow at times, but that doesn’t mean he is behind, he uses the initial time to learn basics strong. He acquires lots of knowledge, but he never shows that out, unless the time arises. The way he analyzes people and situation is awesome, I am bowled so many times by the questions he ask. Wish he talks more and shares his knowledge with me. I wish to see him complain the things he doesn’t like, and ask us what he needs. I really don’t like his adjust-mental nature, I like him to grow like a boss and demand for the things he needs. He wants to become a Neuro surgeon or a Military Doctor, it takes lots of effort to get there, I am sure he can achieve it.

Rishi is exact opposite, he shows everything out, cant keep anything inside him, love, hate, fear what not. All his emotions are right there in-front of my eyes. Demands and fights for all he needs. Super smart kid, you just tell him ones and he go it, he has ears all over his body, and his brain processes it all in a high speed. People person, always with friends and learns from them. He wants to become a basket ball player, he is working hard towards that goal, I wish he can put more efforts and reach his goal. Without him, its boring at home. My crazy dude.

Along with school and their after hour interests in swimming and basketball, they regularly perform at Telugu association community events. They have been on stage so many times performing in group’s, the recent one made me so proud of my boys standing tall and diverged from routine. Rishi did a role of an Indian scientist and he spoke about Mokshagundam visveswarayya in telugu. What else can I say, he is more of a american kid that uses english day to day. The way he practiced and did it on stage made me proud. Ani Played guitar, first time with a music instrument on stage with about thousand audience in auditorium. Everyone surprised to see a 11 yr old playing that well with ease and no single mistake. He worked really hard and put in lots of practice time, even while his fingers hurt. Love you Ani babu..cant express my feelings in words. Its very tough to maintain good grades, plus the passions you work along. You both are gifted.

One proud Momma! I will end this post with a note – “It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings”.

Phone has become a major part of my body. My brain, eyes, hands and ears connected to it in some way. More than a accessory, necessity, it became a security. As long as I have phone with me, I can track where I am and can be reached by some one in seconds, that feeling itself is very comforting on my long runs.  My relation ship with it became like a monkey with coconut in hand(Koti and kobbari chippa) It follows me everywhere I go, sometimes even to restroom 🙂 .

My day starts with my phone wake up alarm in the morning, checking weather forecast for day for kids school activities, their dressing, whats for lunch @ school, connected back to my work via slack messages to follow whats going on, calendar maintained, schedule of events, meetings, selfies, whats app messages, to a call to India on my way to work. And the saga continues till end of day and the last I say good night is to my phone. I really abuse this sweetie..

One day, a stupid software update or whatever happened and I couldn’t access my phone. It will take about a week to get a new phone. My life almost got devastated, I lost my weapon, freaked out thinking I lost my contacts, pictures and all memories..Luckily I have backup enabled and not much I lost other than I disconnected with social network. First day went really horrible looking at my hand and thinking I forgot my phone somewhere…I slowly started migrated towards Google Home for daily information and internet on desktop for email and other communication channels. It took my life back to 15-20 yrs…but I started liking it.

I don’t need to know all the information that pop’s up and whats going on around the world, reduces my anxiety. Sleeping better through the night. Focusing more on in person interaction with friends and family, as I am not aware of whats going in their life recently gives me more interest in checking their well being. Brain working better as its trying to manage as my scheduler and remembering whats coming next. Being very mindful of my surroundings. Lots of time in hand, that I can spend with kids without looking at that 6 inch screen. Life literally came back to real.

This experience of not having a phone is very good. I now have a deep sense of appreciation towards the things i enjoyed before. I may get my phone back in a day or two, will I be able to stick with what I have been doing last week..I doubt it 🙂 Ohh man this phone is an ADDICTION!

How we deal with it! When I started my career as Developer/Tester 15 yrs ago, I have no clue about work environment, started a project where I learned how to use outlook, basic meeting structures, how do u translate requirements to code that is useful for end users, grew to today writing architecture on new big data technologies, so many tools that I banked into my skill set, multiple certifications in hand. Opportunities that pops up and how you grab them, is what makes all that different.

I should say what ever I am today, all this credit goes back to men in my life, my Dad always injected that bug since my childhood, whatever you do, you need to make a mark on it, I still remember the days he tells us that your name needs to be on top list and has to be published. Dad being not so educated, knows the value in it and pushed us towards that end hard. I may not be a merit student when young, but I always like to know the concept, that helped me in long run. Plus my husband who is always behind me and says do what ever you think is right for our family. Lucky to have these guys in my life.

Sometimes I took many daring decisions of leaving very flexible full time job to push myself into new technologies, lots of learning curve, I am my own guru in so many cases. Traveled & stayed away from family for career growth. Many stress full day & nights with working on a job, I have no clue how those tools work, learning where ever I can, it can be from a co-worker, internet, library. All that hard work made me what I am today, I can command and challenge the work I am doing. I can deep dive into technology, tools, business knowledge. I can say I am comfortable debugging a project written in any programming language..

Seen many people jealous of the opportunities I brag with my work, I am lucky to be in those places, what else can I say. Being an immigrant its not easy to work with all white male in the teams and get appreciation on what you do. But, talent and hard work will always be recognized. Finally now working on new revolutionary technologies of big data.

I am proud of my hard work, proud of how far I came with my learning and proud that I am still a learner. I hope this saga of challenging myself continues, be able to have the balanced work life. I love to be a in a position to be able to share the knowledge and skills I have. I will work on it this year, where I can publish some of my work and that can be useful for others…

I will end this post with a quote that I love : “Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it”

New hopes, new strength, new habits, resolutions..correct!

Overall 2017 is very happening year for our family. So much stuff that we didn’t experienced before, tasted that in 2017. Both my parents and in-laws visited us at same time, that’s a big thing for me. Very stressful thought of having both families together for about 4 months, but we managed this well. Had nice time at TANA, NATS, Trip to Niagara Falls, Pittsburg, Chicago, Dayton, San Francisco.

Siri, met accident while parents are around, that’s a big impact emotionally, very lucky she is out with few injuries. But we all had heavy hearts thinking what if.. took a while to re coupe from this. SV has lot going on with his eye macular edima, don’t know what I can do to help with other than some emotional support.

I learned how to swim on my own(my biggest fear and life skill finally under control), Got into running and physical fitness at best. My PCP, Endocrinology doctor’s are all happy with my health and everything is under control and in good counts.

Kids are growing fast. Ani started middle school and 6:30 AM start of school day for him. They both are progressing into their own interests and lot of decision and research on what suits best for their training etc..etc.. Overall 2017 is a mixed year with lot of good and a little bit of bad..

Hope 2018 will bring Joy and Laugh in the faces of all I meet. I want to make some good habits for life, like reading books, doing 10 mins workout everyday in the morning, travel to new places, de-clutter and simple living style, involve more with kids school activities, take training and certifications..

This year started with freezing temperatures, had a awesome party to kick off new year with friends.

Happy 15th Anniversary to us! I met this guy 15 years back, just few days(3 weeks) before our arranged marriage. I wanted to come to US and do masters, earn money and make parents and family proud and happy..typical middle class girls mentality right, but my Rao gopal rao dad planned something different for me, he knows I will jump to US anyway.. he said if you are going I am not sending you alone, get married and then you can go. The only reason I agreed to get married is to land in US. While those discussions are going, one day some relatives said there is a match and everything went so fast. SV’s family came and we both agreed for marriage. within 3 weeks engagement, wedding, lots of phone calls..what not. My Parents finally sent me to a unknown family.

Dad & Amma are worried- how my life will be and they got lots of questions, I am in a confused state of don’t know what to expect. I ended up in tears so many times at in-laws home with home sick feeling, finally got visa and came to US. New life, environment, people… dream come true right.

After that never looked back, the comfort and confidence SV gives me every moment is awesome, he never discouraged me. A lover, a partner, a husband and on top of all a best friend. We fight, we share, we have different opinions, we laugh, we respect each others opinion, we have different hobbies, we both differ in so many ways and that’s what keeps us more bonded I guess. Being with him I become a better person day after day.

He knows when to be calm and when to roar. Very down to earth. The value he gives to family and relation is incredible, Best dad for Ani & Rishi. Never encourages gossip. Its very less what ever I say about him, he is such a Hero! My darling!

I am very lucky to have you as my life partner, you are my strength and you are my weakness, don’t really know how these 15 years went by.. I am sure, no one else can bear with a crazy person like me. Love you loads! Cant really express my joy in words!

Happy Anniversary to us!

Happy birthday to Amma!

More than a mom she is a best friend of me. So many qualities that I admire in her, wished I was like her in so many situations. She is the back pillar of me today standing in this role, as a working women. My mom always says, it doesn’t matter how much your parents have and support you, every girl should have their own financial income, every girl should be in a position to be on their own. It seems to be a strong statement, but that makes lot of sense.

She always goes above and beyond for the people she loves, she turns as a kid when surrounded by them. Her patience and care towards grand kids is unbelievable. I always tell her that I can never do that way. The way she gets emotional about small things and I advise her to let go and take it easy, makes me her big sister.

Amma is beautiful, both me and Siri didn’t get her charming looks, I always wanted to have a fair skin like her when I was a kid, tried to match her skin tone all the time 🙂 Her styling is really good, her taste of colors and new trends. She is my stylist. I still have fresh memories of her shopping skills from my childhood.

Never remember her as a strict mom, she gave us full freedom and at same time she taught us how to be an responsible individual. Wish I can inherit her qualities and pass along to future generations.

Love you Amma, very happy birthday and many more happy returns, wish I spend more time with you on your special day.